January 15
I buttress myself against the long stretch of time and my sense of myself as aimless by planning, planning. I wish I followed through on my plans, all of them, from vacuuming to writing a book. I really feel lost these days.
I hope that my new position will help. For one, it takes up more time. Too much time is a curse. I miss the days of deadlines and structure, even though I experienced it as oppressive at the time. What I really want to be doing is... is anything that feels like both a joy and a challenge. It seems like everyone else is doing so much. Whatever objectivity might suggest, I nevertheless feel like I'm the only one I know who is going through this middling time.
*sigh*
I do read a lot though. I write little responses in my book log, and I do feel good about that.
I hope that my new position will help. For one, it takes up more time. Too much time is a curse. I miss the days of deadlines and structure, even though I experienced it as oppressive at the time. What I really want to be doing is... is anything that feels like both a joy and a challenge. It seems like everyone else is doing so much. Whatever objectivity might suggest, I nevertheless feel like I'm the only one I know who is going through this middling time.
*sigh*
I do read a lot though. I write little responses in my book log, and I do feel good about that.
3 Comments:
You should feel good about your book log! You write prose, especially critical prose, very well! Down with exclamation marks!
i heard a really interesting interview with francine du plessix gray on the cbc about the book. are you enjoying it? what a life her mother had!
Teri - I loved it! It was really interesting, although quite snobby.
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